I Don't Know what I am !

Don't know what I want,
I have,
I don't have,
can be done to achieve my goals and dreams,
are my goals and dreams,


I don't know,,,


I am just living life, and still have not found out what means to live a life?

Having told myself a storyteller and more specifically film maker, I haven't started working in that direction.

My mind is occupied in 2 things, PLEASURES & THEORIES.

Lazyness and boredome are my best friends now, whom I hate so much.

I got to get out of this, but I have always tried to get out of everything.

Everything I ever owned in past, present and will own in future, I never respect what I have.


this is a note to myself, a note to make me remember how I am at this stage,


but again I want some motivation, inside or outside, it better be from inside, so it can live longer,


something, please motivate me...

50 Paise

Once I knew a man who believed that 50 paisa is a lucky charm for him.

He just can not give any 50 paisa from his pocket to anyone. And once he gave it to a begger, he thought that old lady wants that 50 paisa more than himself.
And some tragic things started happening in his life. So his belief became more stronger about 50 paisa lucky charm. He became sad about giving away 50 paisa coin. And out of his sadness he lost his abilities.

But isn't it true that tragic and sad events occur in our life frequently, with anyone.

After a very long time, then man came to know this truth, that it wasn't 50 paisa, but his inner self-doubt, that was making him sad.

The sooner you know about your inner fear and self imposed doubts, better for you.

Unknown : A Search with an old man

Yesterday night I had a dream. I mean I have dreams all the nights, but this was good. Very few times I have an inspiring dream.
It started with usual environments and people. I was going to ATM to collect some money, which I am going to do now and which I had planned to do since 3 days.
Then in dream, I found that the ATM is not working because of unknown reason. And I was accompanied by an old man in the ATM center. Then an unusual thing happened. The security of ATM told us(me and the old man) that take the elevator and go to top floor to collect the money.

Now I have no idea why sometimes these kind of things happens, an elevator inside ATM center is very unusual idea. So we took the elevator anyway and it took us upwards.
Now is when the story starts.
Upwards, when we reached, I saw that we have reached on the roof and the roof was a garden.
Actually not full flowing garden, but looked like an old wooden house which has become old because of wear and tear. Old like the old man. I suddenly realized that there is a connection between the old man and this place.
While I started walking around the place, the old man seemed like searching for something or someone. He was looking for his wife. She was not old like him because she wasn't there. She wasn't alive at all.

Here my actual dream ends but I am continuing it in the story.

I started thinking that why would he look for someone who is not alive. Or why would anyone look for something that does not exist. We never look for things which were in past. But we certainly look for things which don't exist but may exist in future.

Fatty

This is a story I thought of few months ago.

The idea of the story came in my mind by seeing 3 fat girls having fun in a school. And at the same time a pretty, skinny girl passed by.

This is basically a contrast story. I mean when one piece from a set gets different or wants to get different, that creates problem for the whole set. And actually here it creates humor.

in Fatty,

there are 3 girls, who are fat and very close to each other, they are not ashamed of their size. Actually they never care for it. They are always involved in playing and fooling around, making fun or other girls. Nobody likes them, but they don't care. Nobody plays with them, but they really don't care.

They are fat, they are free and they are happy.

But,
One day one girl of them starts feeling stupid about being fat. And she decides to get thin.

This creates problem in their group. Other 2 girls tries to convince her that she is good in the way she is. But the girl becomes desperate to get skinny and starts her journey towards it.

She works hard to get thin. She changes her diet chart, stars exercises and approaches beauty parlor.

On the other side,

Other 2 girls become desperate too. They makes every plan of first girl fail. They puts hurdles and troubles for that girl, whenever she tries anything or goes anywhere for her plan to get thin.

And they start to become enemies. Then they realize what has just happened.
They realize that only way out of this is that either all of them stay fat or all of them get thin.

What happens in Climax ?


I still have to work on that too.

Fresh

Today is a new day in my hand,

and I want to make a fresh start,

I just read about Satva, Rajas and Tamas,




"Today is a new day"


so here I move on ...

Food : The Journey

Its 11:00 pm,
and I am walking on the road, with a carry bag in my hand. The bag is full with 15 parathas and some potato curry, which I made today noon that, it will do for my lunch, dinner and may be tomorrow's breakfast.

But it appeared that it didn't do well for lunch, not much for dinner and I was desperate to not to take it in breakfast.

So I thought to get rid of it ...................... get rid of FOOD ... !

Suddenly I thought "how many people I watch everyday, moving on streets, in search of FOOD ? "

so, I locked the door and got out, in search of someone for my FOOD.

Now, this is not a hero's journey, because I am not a Hero. I am not a social person even. But this maybe an incidental story.

I found people celebrating festival, people having dinner in restaurants, people closing their shops. But no one seemed interested in my Food. What if, I have asked someone that, will they take my Food. I will get a slap on my face, surely. How funny. What if, I would have asked that, will you take 1 lakh rupees. Then I will get some attention from them, may be a laugh, but surely not a slap on face.

So, I kept moving, looking around, keeping my mouth shut, eyes and ears open. There were dogs, fighting with dustbins for Food. Animals are desire less. They are rather needy. Mostly they have only one need, Food. After its fulfilled, they will hang around or sleep.

But we are not like that, can't be like that. We have to have desire.

and this night I had desire to find someone for my Food. I kept moving ........

then I found petrol pump workers, tired of the whole day, I can tell that they are hungry, but will not take Food from me.

Why ?
Dignity , may be, I am not sure.

Then I found one troop with camel cart. There was a woman, starring at me, thinking what a stranger he is. I approached her and asked her for taking the Food. But to my surprise, she refused. She looked rather suspicious. Then I moved to other troop people. One man, asked me to take the fruits, being sold by that troop.

I refused, and asked him to take Food from me. He looked suspicious.

Refusal - Suspicious Game was going on here, I guess.

Then the man broke the rule of game, he asked me if the food is good. I said yes, then I thought if the food had been too good then why would I give it away. But the food was good, good for them.

There are choices we make and things will fall under categories based on our choices. But it appears in our society that some people can't make choices. Everything they can get fall under their choice.

This troop belongs to that part of society. And the man made the choice. He took the parcel from my hand and nodded. I nodded in return.

And the journey came to an end.

or did it come to end ???

maybe, not .....

Open Sky

Open sky was the first story I created for short movie projects, which never been finished. It happenes always that starting is very enthusiastic and easy, but getting it to an end is like standing on tight rope without anything to make balance, and then you just give up.

I guess one reason to give up is that you dont have any immediate outcome from it. I mean, at workplace I have salary gain, in some freelance projects I have contract money and a piece to add in reel. Even in free projects I have to gain contacts and respect.

But to work for my own self, I have never felt any immediate outcome. Long term outcome, off course, there is. And it will override all the other gains from job or projects. But as I said, I will have to stand till that time comes.

now back to Open Sky,

Its a tragic story basically, a tragedy taking place between a Scientist, a Bird and a Robod dog created by the scientist. Open sky was created with an idea to motivate people. First thing that comes in my mind after watching an animated movie is Motivation. Tarzan, Dinosaur, finding Nemo.... almost all animated movies. I have always admired Disney movies for their motivational story structure and Songs in their movies.

So I included both (motivational story and a little song) in Open Sky. Another huge constraint was Voice. As Open Sky was going to stand as my demo reel, I was going to produce it myself. So I had to cut unnecessary costs. Actually I created the story with this contraint in my mind. In Open Sky there was only one human, so there was no Conversation, and absolutely no need of voice actors.

After writing story, I wrote screenplay of it. and then did some rough storyboards. The storyboards were very rough because I did them before I did any research on characters, sets or accessories. I didn't search for Look & Feel of the movie before doing storyboarding.
As a result, the movie was still not clear in my mind after storyboarding.

I have always felt some problem while working on the climax of the movie. Not only Open Sky but all the stories which I have ever thought of.

Once I read somewhere that "Climax is very important part of the movie. So sometimes you work in Climax first, if you have to".